Where better to start stories about my life than with my birth? Let me start though in putting my birth in a little context.
After my older brother was born, my mother had given birth to twins, Peter and Paul, who unfortunately had died at birth. The hospital where she had given birth had treated her very badly. As a result she vowed any more children she might have would be born at home and not in the hospital.
Another event had occurred after she had lost the twins. My mother had not long been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, just 3 or 4 years when she had the twins. Shortly after the twins the wife of one of the leaders had told her that the reason she had lost the twins was because she was not a good mother. Being relatively new in the church she did not know any different and so believed this woman. So when she became pregnant with me she went through a lot of worry. My being born healthy was a sign to her that she was not a bad mother after all and so my birth meant a lot to her.
I was originally due to be born in early December. My mother’s parents had traveled down from Scotland to be there for the birth. I however had different ideas. These days they would simply have induced my mother and not allow her to go so long. But back then, especially with a home birth, there was not much to be done other than wait. And wait they did - for three weeks.
As Christmas came and went and the New Year approached, my grandparents, being Scottish and Hogmanay being a big Scottish celebration, decided to return home for the holiday. No sooner had they gone though, and I decided to make an appearance and turned up 8am on New Years day. Being three weeks late (and I’ve been late ever since) I had put on a little extra weight and arrived weighing 11 lbs and 6 oz.
And that marked my entry into this strange world.
Needless to say weighing so much and being a home birth, my mother went through a lot. It is always amusing to see the photos of me at birth with my mother. She is heavily coated in make-up, having refused to let my father take any photos because she looked so bad without the make-up.
I was named Craig after my grandfather, the one that missed the birth, who was James Craig Walker. My second name was going to be either Alistair or Alexander. In the end they chose Alexander. It just so happened that the family doctor attending my mother after the birth was also called Alexander and was thus convinced I was named after him.
Post Category: Craig's Life Stories
November 30th, 2007 at 03:05amcraig
Three years ago I lay on the bed next to Maria, my wife, holding her hand, as she slipped away from mortality. The intervening three years have been difficult and turbulent years for me as I have grappled with deal with life without her.
The first year actually passed very quickly and with little difficulty. Her brave struggle with stomach cancer had occupied the bulk of the previous two years but we knew from the outset that the prospects were not good. In addition in a strange way I had been granted an insight many years before I even met Maria that I would lose my first wife and end up getting remarried. So while her death was a very sad time for me, I was blessed with a calm peace that this was a natural part of my life that I needed to go through. As such I had expected to find another companion relatively soon and for my life to naturally move on. The first year was also a busy one with moving over to the USA and going back to college.
Then just before the first anniversary of her death a close neighbor lost her husband unexpectedly. They had two daughters friends with my own oldest daughter. It was a poignant reminder of the experiences I had gone through the year before. As I attended his funeral and burial services I was filled grief, not for him, but for the lost of my own Maria (I remember feeling guilty about that at the time). It was the first time since her passing that I had really grieved for her.
The second year onward was a lot more difficult to bear. Gone was the feeling this was a natural transition in my life. In came the feeling of why had I not found another companion yet, some one to fill the void left in my life. Some one to love and be loved by. I almost felt abandoned and it was a struggle to solider on and deal with the challenges life brought.
This last year has been another turbulent year for me with much heart ache. One that has seen me risk all and lose all for the sake of love. (But that is another story for another time. This story is about my feelings relating to Maria.) As the anniversary of Maria’s death approached my mind has wondered how I would cope. Would I fall back in to grieving? In January another neighbor lost his wife who left behind her three young children and my heart went out to him. Again I anticipated that event generating deep feeling of grief again as I remembered my own very similar circumstances.
As today has come and gone, however, I have remained fairly composed and almost distant from my feelings. True there has been feelings of sadness and reflection but the grieving was not there. Instead just a contemplation on where life has led me these past three years and how much I have missed Maria and what she had meant to me.
When Maria passed I had felt ready to move on straight away, to find new companionship. But now I wonder if I really was ready. Was there an important process I had to go through? I do not know the answer to that, but what I do know is that I am glad the grieving is over. Perhaps now I am really able to move on.
Post Category: General
February 4th, 2007 at 10:41pmcraig
Today Alexandra, my six year old daughter, gave her first talk at church. The topic was faith. We had had no time to practice it and I had basically hurriedly typed up the talk for her a few mintues before leaving for church. She did a great job and looked like a pro up there. I was very proud of her.
Also this morning my oldest, Moyra, who turned 12 in November and joined the Beehive class in Young Womens at church, was called to as a counselor in the
Beehive class presidency. Again I was very proud of Moyra. but at the same time it was another reminder that she is growing up very fast.
Post Category: General
January 28th, 2007 at 11:33pmcraig
This evening I to hear Elder John Groberg of the First Quorum of Seventy speak. He related a story from his mission in Tonga. One day traveling to a distant island to meet with a family eager to hear his gospel message their boat was becalmed. For a long time they sat waiting for a wind. They had tried praying for a wind but none had come. Finally one of the Tongan brethren accompanying him told him to get in the row boat and he would row the several hours it would take to reach their destination. Young Elder Groberg asked the brother why he was doing this. His reply was that today his arms would be the Lord’s wind.
Elder Groberg had often wondered why the Lord had not sent a wind but instead allowed this brother to row the distance. Years later Elder Groberg heard how this brother as a younger man had sought to distrupt the work of the missionaries, following them around and heckling, etc. One day he heard the missionaries would be preaching at a particular spot. He arrived early and climbed one of the nearby trees armed with a range of rocks and other objects to throw. As the missionaries’ meeting proceeded and it came to the point where they would bear their testimonies of the Book of Mormon the man started throwing the rocks at the missionaries and disrupted their meeting. As he threw one particularly large rock he lost his balance and fell breaking his arm in three places.
Over the coming months his arm failed to heal and gradually became paralyzed. The man went to his minister who had urged him on in his disruptive activities. But the minister said he could not do anything to help other than pray for him. About a year went by and the arm had become totally useless. Finally he remembered having heard the missionaries talk about healing people through priesthood blessings. He sought the missionaries out, and asked them to bless him, promising that if he was healed he would believe, and that he would be faithful in serving the Lord and doing what he could to help the work. A blessing was given and gradually the use of the arm was restored.
Now years later here he was being able to use that arm to serve the Lord and provide transport for Elder Groberg so that he could reach this family.
Often in life we need to go through difficult times when it would be very simply for the Lord to change things. The Lord’s “wind” does not always come in the way we anticipate. Some times it will come in a way that helps us to grow. Other times it may come in ways that help those around us grow.
Post Category: General
January 28th, 2007 at 11:21pmcraig
On Friday I felt frustrated with the obstacles in the way of graduating in April. Being so close and yet so far was maddening. It was also a great worry as to what would happen if I didn’t graduate in April. The chances are I would end up back in the UK, jobless, penniless and homeless, the prospects of which with four young children was frightening.
Today I finally received a letter from the MBA office outlining the problems facing me and asking me to submit a plan for graduating. In discussing this with the MBA Office a way was found to over come the needed requirement for an additional hour. So I am back on track.
Once again when faced with an insurmountable challenge a door has been opened. I truly believe that there is a greater purpose in my obtaining this MBA degree. So many times when the way has been impossibly blocked things have fallen into place to allow me to move forward.
I still need to perform extremely well and get some very high grades on most of my courses in order to get my GPA back to where it should be. It looks like the next few months will involve a lot of very hard studying. But at least the possibility is still there.
Post Category: General
January 17th, 2007 at 05:29pmcraig
Yesterday a young mother in my congregation passed away with cancer leaving behind her a husband and three young children ages 5, 3 and 9 months. It is a death very poignant to me given that it is nearly 3 years since my own wife passed away in similar circumstances. My own children at the time were 9, 5, 3 and 1. The event has brought many painful memories back to me.
As I sat here this morning contemplating, it occurred to me that I am not here in this place at this time by coincidence. I was reminded that our lives are very much directed from above and that we each have a greater purpose in life.
When I first moved over to the States in August 2004 I ended up living in American Fork, Utah. The home we ended up renting was not in the neighborhood I had initially wanted but I felt right in taking it. The local congregational members were very supportive of our family and I felt blessed to be there. But a few months after moving in a family on the next street over lost their father leaving his wife and two young girls, friends of my own daughter. And three months later another family on the same street was hit with a similar tragedy. I found myself having gone through the loss of my own wife being a great support to these two women as they struggled to come to terms with their loss. I came to realize then I had been directed to that area to be a comfort and support to others.
When I moved to Provo in October after a very trying time I felt a lot of love and support here and felt that I had been brought here so that I would have that support. And maybe that is true. But as I sat contemplating this morning on this recent death I realized I had been directed here not so much for my benefit but so that I could use my own experiences to support and strength the lives of others affected by this recent tragic event.
I have always felt I was blessed with a great inward strength in coping with the tragedy and other events in my own life. The more time goes by the more I realize this blessing was not just for me but for those whose lives I might touch. It is a timely reminder that I should be looking at how I can bless others’ lives rather than worrying about my own difficulties.
Post Category: General
January 15th, 2007 at 02:28pmcraig
Last semester was a nightmare. Through various reasons I missed a lot of the first month or two of classes and struggled to catch up. I ended finals weeks thinking there was no way to graduate in April. If I didn’t graduate in April, I had no funding to carry on, without being enrolled full-time I would be out of status for my visa and forced to leave the country which meant probably never graduating.
Then a couple of doors opened and all of a sudden I seemed to be back on track for an April graduation. It would mean however doing 19.5 credit hours this semester and having to get at least B+ across the board in all subjects. Given I’d also be working 10 hours a week and looking after the children, this was going to be tough going, but it was doable and therefore something I could work for.
Then came a meeting with one of the department assistant directors. It turns out that an assumption I was making was incorrect. In order to graduate I needed 64 credit hours. Of those only 3 could be at a grade C, the rest had to be higher. I had already got 2 credit hours at grade C and gained a grade C in two 1.5 credit hour classes last semester. I had assumed I could take an hour from those 3 hours to count towards the 64 hours. But no. Unfortunately they can not split the hours for a class. So I would have to take 1.5 hours which would place me over the maximum 3 hours of grade C which is not allowed. Without the extra hour I would only have 63 credit hours and so be short one hour to graduate.
So I am back to not being able to graduate in April and possibly not being able to graduate at all. Being so close and yet so far from graduating is frustrating to say the least.
Post Category: General
January 12th, 2007 at 11:08pmcraig
One aspect of been born on New Year’s day is that as each calendar year rolls by so does another year of my life. It is almost like the whole world is counting down my years not just me. And it adds to that feeling that life is slipping by.
Well with so much of my life already having slipped by and very little to record what has happened in it, I decided it was time to join many others and start a blog. So here it is.
Post Category: General
January 1st, 2007 at 08:33pmcraig
